“Fear not for I am your God”.
Its 2008. After years of yearning, planning and praying. Paco and I have finally decided to go back home for good. Home is the Philippines….that is in Mindanao. Bukidnon.
It has always been Paco’s earnest heart desire to do farming. And I support him wholeheartedly.
Things are going well according to plan. I have just finished a Post Doc contract. Kai has just finished her course. Kim is now in Uni. And I had just finished my 5 years of medical checkup with which the specialist declared that “ I am cancer-free”.
I am excited of the idea of working on some projects at home. I also look forward to possibilities of participating in student ministry activities, having always enjoyed teaching and helping students.
But it wasn’t meant to be!
I just learned that my liposarcoma has metastasized. MRI, CT scans, bone x-rays and medical assessments indicated that this malignant tumor was inoperable. It ensheathed the sciatic nerve. …that explains the agonizing, indescribable pain in my left lower back.
That meant shelving temporarily our plans. I had to stay put in NZ for cancer treatments.
The term liposarcoma had always eluded me. It was the word inoperable and incurable that rang the loudest. On the drive home from the orthopaedic clinic, I was wondering how a believer should react in times like this?…
Had no time to ponder. I sobbed my heart out. Shock? Fear? Sadness? I don’t know. A feeling of helplessness maybe, and disappointment, wondering what went wrong ?
Kim (my son, who accompanied me to the doctor) was such a comfort. He prayed with me. I started to thank God in light of I Thessalonians 5.18 “ to give thanks in all circumstances”(…although I didn’t feel thankful at the time but I was not bitter and resentful). Kim acknowledged the mighty power of God , His Sovereignty…that He is in control so we need have no fear. Saddened by the news but never felt defeated, we ( Paco, myself, Khai and Kim) looked up to the Lord and felt God’s comfort from His Word. We were strengthened by praying together, believing and claiming His promises. One is I peter 2:24 ( “He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed).
Months of radiation and chemotheraphy treatments followed and through all these, we always have to look back and be sustained by the truth in Isaiah 41.10. The passage had always been a source of strength and comfort for me and my whole family throughout the previous years. Truly, the Word of God is living and powerful.
“Fear not for I am your God”. A very comforting word to be reminded that my God is the Sovereign, Almighty God. He speaks and things happen. How can I fear the unknowns of tomorrow with the assurance that He is in control of all things. I may be down and my family is as helpless but our God is not. He promised to strengthen, help and uphold me.
How can I be dismayed? He is the God who speaks and the storm calmed down. I was reminded of the song “ there is no mountain so high, God can not move it…”. . Be not dismayed. My God, who is a powerful God will help and strengthen me.
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